Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I sort of like the new Kanye album so much I want to, like, meld spiritually with it, kind of? Like I want to get it all tattooed on my face or something, and then those tattoos would glow and play all the songs directly into people's heads when they touched them and we would both fly around in the sky, hearing the songs? It's kind of an embarrassing feeling.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Only The New York Times Dares to Ask And Answer the Tough Questions! (About Why Women Are Kind of Not Actually, You Know, People)


Q: How much rape is too much rape?
A: Oh, I dunno, a medium amount of rape seems like the right amount, don't you think?

Q: Who gets to decide what counts as rape or date rape?
A: A bunch of people you have never met!

Q: Are they lawyers and judges?
A: Nope! They are women in their 30s, mostly "in steady, heterosexual relationships," unlike you, you nasty single girl. With your multiple sexual partners and your appletinis and your mani-pedis! You're driving me nuts!

Q: I didn't know that people in "steady, heterosexual relationships" had so much moral domain over people who aren't that they actually get to define legal concepts for everyone else in the universe.
A: They don't. They only get to decide things for women. Duh.

Q: Do you feel like these same women who feel like reporting a date rape is waste of a police officer's time would TOTALLY call the police on a bar or party that they thought was making too much noise at night?
A: You said it, not me.

Q: I don't think there's anything wrong with contacting the police with noise complaints, actually. I always thought that the police and legal system were supposedly there to deal with a variety of issues, from noise problems all the way to stopping someone from murdering you. Why do you think we have such a hard time agreeing, as a society, that any kind of unwanted sexual contact, EVEN IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE USING THE WORD RAPE TO DESCRIBE IT, would fall on that spectrum?
A: ?

Q: Finally, what is up with the token guy in all of these kind of articles who complains about how obtaining meaningful consent is like "filling out a form"? In this article, the exact quote is:
“'So in future we need a written contract every time before we close our bedroom doors?' an exasperated male journalist colleague of mine asked. "
Whenever I hear someone say this, I just think, "Why are you so fucking scared by the idea of a 'form'? I know that you, Theoretical Guy Talking About This Contract, are speaking in hyberbole to show how unreasonable and awful feminists are, but why are you so scared of this theoretical imaginary form? Do you think it would say stuff you might not like to see? Are you, you know, afraid that if you had to--actually legally had to--obtain meaningful consent from each of your partners, you'd find out that some of them weren't that enthused about sexual encounters with you?

That's kind of all I can imagine when I hear something like this. This comment, deep down, says to me that the person who speaks it, fears that they are someone who is so tragically undesirable, that if 'yes' became the standard of consent, they would never have a partner again, because on some level, their sexuality is about bullying, and if we as a culture stop legitimizing that bullying as, uh, 'seduction' or whatever, they they will be stuck up some kind of (sex) creek without some kind of (sex) paddle. Because, you know, if there were forms for sex with my boyfriend, for example, I would write "Yes" with ten thousand exclamation points and then have sex with him.
A: ?

Q: I think the implication here is that, if theoretically one could drastically reduce date rape in the world through using some kind of form, this guy wouldn't do it, anyway, because it wouldn't be worth it, because...?
A: See the title of this post.

Q: How come the research standards of the NY Times are fairly rigorous, except when it's an article about women's lives, and then you can just ask your college friends on Facebook or watch half an episode of "Sex and the City" and, like, call it a day?